Certain
by Britbird
Summary: BG Fluff. Read it before you judge. You might like it!
1. Default Chapter

Characters etc. etc. not mine. Wish they were. Story is. Nuff said.  
  
"Buffy! You're not concentrating!" "I'm SORRY" Buffy spat back at him. Giles was surprised by the vehemence of her words and by the tears which had sprung to her eyes. "Buffy I." He was cut off by a fast right cross to his lowered target pad. The unexpected impact sent his arm out at an awkward angle and he felt something scream in his shoulder as he fell to his knees and the pain made his senses swim.  
  
"Giles.I'm so sorry" As the room phased back in he became aware of Buffy knelt beside him, gingerly placing her hand on his shoulder. "so sorry". This last statement came out as a whispered sob before she sank down on the mat, hands covering her face and raking at her hair. The pain receded as he took in the heart wrenching site infront of him.  
  
"Buffy, what is it?" He asked as gently as possible. "Nothing" She wiped at her face, pulled her hair back into a ponytail, and gave him a defiant look, like a child determined not to show any weakness and prove how grown-up she was. It was enough to wrench Giles' heart even further. He swallowed hard and closed off as much of his frustrated emotion as possible before reaching out to draw her to him.  
  
When Buffy was like this, he knew there was nothing he could do except hold her against him, willing his strength into her until the sobs subsided and she was drained.  
  
But this time she surprised him. Glancing briefly at him, she ignored the proffered hand and instead stood and moved behind him. He felt her hand on his neck.  
  
"Lie down." It was a simple instruction, but her voice held a weight which he could not fathom. He moved forward and laid face down as she had instructed, his arm aching with each movement. She straddled his backside and began to massage his shoulder, moving onto his neck then down his arm.  
  
Her slender fingers worked gently but insistently. As she felt the tensions leave his muscles her focus drifted and she became aware of the man lying prone beneath her.  
  
The ache in his shoulder dulled under her ministrations, he became relaxed and his mind was diverted involuntarily as his body responded to the way her hands had begun to smooth down his back and she rocked against his backside..  
  
She suddenly caught herself and her hands stilled as she tried to quell the fire that was threatening to overwhelm her common sense.  
  
As her hands stopped he froze. She rolled off his back and drew her knees up to her chest defensively. Fearing his body would betray him if he turned over, he raised himself onto his left elbow and twisted toward her.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
A furtive glance up at him before her eyes returned to a spot about three inches above the floor between them.  
  
What was she thinking? Why had she begun.massaging. his back like that? A sigh escaped him as realization dawned. It was someone rather than something which had been playing on her mind. She had been thinking about some boy, or God forbid, some vampire whilst she had been touching him.  
  
He despised the question with all the pain he knew the answer must bring, but the need to alleviate Buffy's suffering won over as always. "What is it Buffy?"  
  
Why could she never fool Giles? Why did she always end up giving up the act so easily? Well, most of the act anyway.. A shrug of the shoulders was all she could trust herself with.  
  
His own desires buried, 'back where they belong' he thought), he pushed himself to a sitting position opposite her. "Who is he?" He asked as softly as he could, concentrating on not reacting to the answer, instead retrieving his glasses from the chair and polishing them furiously.  
  
She was startled by the question. Giles usually tip-toed around her love- life, obviously not wanting to know which rules she had broken, or the gory details. Afterall, no father liked their daughters boyfriends anyway did they? And that's what Giles felt. A father's love.  
  
"Just someone I know" "Well, it would be a bit odd if you didn't know them. Is it Spike?" "No. It would be simpler if it was." "More complicated than Spike. Oh dear."  
  
She couldn't help but smile at the understatement of his concern. "So who?" "Just a friend" "Alright, you don't want to say. So um, what is the problem?" "Plural" "Sorry" "Plural. ProblemS" "Ah. Well start at the beginning"  
  
What beginning? These feelings didn't seem to have a beginning. They sure as hell didn't feel like they had an end either. "He doesn't see me in that way" "In what way?" "As, you know as." Girlfriend was not the right word. "..as a woman" "What on earth do you mean?" "I suppose he sees me as a child. And as a slayer. Nothing more. Certainly not as a potential." She struggled to get the words out. "A lover?" Giles supplied. "She caught her breath at the phrase, and could only manage a brief nod. "How do you know?" "He's a lot older than me." Giles' heart skipped a beat. "How m-much older? Are we talking t-ten years or m-more like a hundred?" She shook her head, but still could not meet his eye. "He's not a vampire. But it's more than ten. Actually it's more than twenty." "Oh. Oh. Well of course that can complicate the relationship, but if you um, if you really want to, it's er, um, not.insurmountable." "But if he can't look at me as anything but petulant child slayer h" "Buffy if he looks at you and sees a child, he must be partially sighted, or, or, just plain..idiotic!" Giles exclaimed much to Buffy's surprise.  
  
"Do you?" "Do I what?" "How do you see me?" "Well. I-I, um, I err.." "Exactly" "No. No. Buffy, I see you, as, a um, a well you're.you're amazing." Buffy's eyes widened at the unexpected words. "That is, I-I think you are intelligent, um, courageous, honourable, sharp- loving-brave-inconsistent-infuriating-intriguing-wilful-selfless- loving..and um, beautiful." Giles swallowed hard, not quite believing these words had poured forth with such (relative) ease. Bringing his eyes to meet his slayer's face, he saw her expression change from open-mouthed shock to puzzlement, to a smile, to something he could only read as wonder. "You, you really." a smile played across her lips once more "you think I'm beautiful? A-and brave? And intriguing? But Travers..what he said, you.you.." "Oh for heaven's sake Buffy! That was four years ago. You were eighteen. And I never wanted to be your father." "No?" "No. At the time. If anything.. You were a protégé if you like, a, I don't know. But I never saw you as a child, I knew what lay in front of you. At least I thought I did. If you were a mere child how could I have led you into all this? So you see, maybe you're wrong about this man."  
  
Buffy considered his words for a moment and Giles thought he saw a weight lift from her. And it only served to raise his jealousy further.  
  
"So are there any other problems?" Please God let there be something more. Please. The light smile evaporated from Buffy's face. "I don't know how to tell him" she whispered. "Just tell him why he's so special to you..Buffy you are.well any-any man would be mad to turn you down"  
  
"Spike said I came back wrong." "He what?" "He said I came back wrong" Giles Exploded. "Buffy, please don't tell me you actually listened to that, that..bastard?" "He was right" "NO! No he wasn't. Buffy listen to me. You did not come back wrong. You have suffered an unspeakable trauma, I don't honestly know how you've coped as well as you have, hiding the truth from your closest friends and, and, keeping it all together for everyone else. Never giving up on being happy. Never giving up on living. You're still you. You're still my Buffy." He trailed off, suppressing the words coming next.  
  
"Giles, the first time I died, some part of me got left behind. I already had a crush on Angel. And I looked for the missing part, or a way to live without it, in him. He was dead and, and I thought he may understand." "Buffy.." "No Giles, please listen..When I came back this time.I'd been pulled out of heaven and thrown into hell. And this time I lost even more." "And this time you sought it in Spike" Finally. Finally he understood. "Yes. Then when you came back, and , and remember that night I let it all out and you held me. You carried me to bed that night. And when you said goodnight and left me I, .I realized that all the time I'd been looking in the wrong place. When you held me, I felt whole again."  
  
Tears were now streaming down her face. A mixture of relief, fear,, and plain exhaustion working their way from her system. Giles removed his glasses and she saw his eyes swam with emotion at what she had revealed. He held out his hand to her once more, and this time she threw herself into his embrace. He pulled her to him, hugging her fiercly and buried his face in her hair. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." he murmured over and over again. She wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that it didn't matter now, that she was alright as long as he was there to hold her. but she could not get the words past the broken sobs which shook her.  
  
They stayed locked together for what seemed like an eternity, then slowly they eased apart. "I should have been here. I was wrong. I thought."  
  
"You haven't put two and two together yet have you?" She smiled at his puzzled expression. "The man I want to be with.you told me to tell him what made him so special. I just did."  
  
A frown creased Giles brow as he took in what she was saying. She couldn't mean..it didn't make sense..why would she want..how..?  
  
She watched his face for reaction, and pulled away gently when shock seemed to settle across those green eyes.  
  
"You mean...you...me?" He asked incredulously, barely more than a whisper. She nodded. She was afraid that if she opened her mouth, she wouldn't be able to shut up again before telling him how she had lusted after him for so long, how in covering that up she knew she had reacted too harshly many times and hurt him, how the realization that she loved him with more than affection, that that love was borne less of the need to fill the missing part of her and more out of pure, inexplicable desire for him above all others. She had begun to spend more time with him. Choosing to use a week of her precious vacation helping him to decorate the dilapidated house he'd bought, and realizing that she loved to be around him, that there was fun to be had in such tasks if you were with the right person, and that the more time she spent with him, the less she could see how she'd ever thought him a stuffy librarian..Oh Giles if only you could see straight into my heart.  
  
"I don't know what to say" He was polishing his glasses again. He was so flustered he kept opening his mouth and closing it again. Buffy realized he wasn't going to sweep her into his arms and kiss her passionately. And it was too late to take it back, to change what she was saying. She'd asked him to be her lover. HUGE mistake. How could she have been such an idiot. He might not see her as a child. But he didn't want her either. And now she was losing her best friend. She felt the world collapsing around her.  
  
"Giles it's okay. I mean you don't feel the same, so, we should um forget it I guess. I'll get over it. It's no big deal really. I.." She grabbed her training bag and ran from the room before the tears spilled.  
  
"Buffy! No. Wait. Please." He ran for the door. but she was gone. Blithering idiot!!! He'd lost her. She told him she wanted him. HIM. And he'd blown it. It was too late. He went back to the training room and took it out on the punch bag until his knuckles were raw and bleeding.  
  
"Hey Buffy.." Buffy shot past the kitchen ignoring Willow's greeting. Willow followed her up the stairs. Buffy was upset or angry. She wasn't sure which, but since it had been she who had brought her friend back from the dead, only to find it was the worst thing she could have done to her, she felt more than a bit responsible for all Buffy's moods.  
  
"Buffy." Willow glanced around the door. Buffy lay in a feotal position sobbing. Her eyes were sore and red. She guessed it wasn't the first time Buffy had cried today. She sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed back the blonde hair. "Hey. What's up?" Buffy's only response was a sarcastic snort. She was still in her training kit.  
  
"Did you fight with Giles?" This only brought fresh sobs. "Buffy talk to me. Please hon, I'm worried..see?" Said Willow doing her best comical worried expression. It didn't work. She hadn't really expected it to.  
  
"I'm such an idiot" "No you're not, why would you think that?" "I told him..Oh God Willow, why did I tell him?" "Tell who what?" Buffy did her best to get a hold of herself. "I told him I loved him. That-that I wanted him..uurrrgh." "Who? ...oh. You told Giles. But, what went wrong?" "He doesn't want me. Oh Willow what have I done?" She looked up at her friend. "Why don't you look shocked?" "What that you're in love with Giles? Come on Buffy, everybody can see it except you two! But I still don't understand what you mean, 'he didn't want you'? Of course he wants you. He's whoop-bang head over heels in love with you." "He's not Willow." "Yes he is. He told me so." "He what?" "In England. We were talking, and I kinda asked him. He is crazy about you. 'I love her so much, and she has no idea of the effect she has on me. I sometimes feel like I'm losing my grip on reality.. and when I lost her I didn't think I could go on' were his precise words." Buffy lost the ability to speak. Or close her mouth.  
  
"Buff, loose jaw- tongue out - it's not a good look hon."  
  
"But, but.when I told him he, he.." "Looked pretty much like you do now. Heehe. You probably shocked the poor guy. He didn't have a clue Buffy."  
  
Willow had no time to make any further explanation because Buffy was off the bed, down the stairs, out the front door and half-way down the road before she had even got another word out.  
  
She stood at the door of the training room watching him. He wasn't aware of her presence. He was too busy muttering obscenities and punching the bag. He sank down to his knees and pulled Buffy's heart right out of her chest in one wearied movement. She noticed his shoulders were shaking, and his hands..Oh his hands were bleeding.  
  
He felt something being wrapped around his hand, and lifted his head, a 'go away' directed at whoever had intruded into his misery. And then he saw her face and she was smiling at him through her tears. The words died on his lips.  
  
She wrapped the towel around his right hand, he looked up at her, about to say something then changed his mind. A weak smile was all she could manage.  
  
NOW! Say it you imbecile! Tell her!...."Buffy..I'm sorry I didn't mean to..I was just shocked..you..I couldn't believe it...I .."  
  
"Shhh." She laid a finger on his lips and then covered them softly with her own. A chaste kiss of understanding. "Willow.explained.."  
  
"Do you really want this?" He couldn't find any other words, he didn't want to risk losing her altogether by indulging a whim. "I've never wanted anything more in my life. Giles you told me to tell you why you were so special to me. That was the best example I could give. But it doesn't even scratch the surface. I love you for everything that you ever did for me. For every time you were everything I needed you to be. But mostly just for being you. For the way your eyes draw me in, for the way you run your hands through your hair when you get exasperated, the way you take such delight in the world even when you know what a disaster it can be..just you."  
  
" I love you so much Buffy. I never dreamed.. never even d-d-dared to hope..when you said that it was m-me you wanted, I felt as though the, the genie had jumped out of the lamp and granted my dearest wish.I was stunned."  
  
She moved against him, running her hands across his chest just as she had on so many nights alone in her bed. He could hold himself in check no longer and tracing the outline of her face with his finger. Pain shot through his shoulder. Punching with a jarred shoulder was not clever.  
  
"Giles, what is.oh your shoulder..I forgot." She touched his shoulder and felt guilty all over again. "It's alright" It clearly wasn't. She didn't know what else to do so she slipped her arms around his waist, lay her head on his chest and held him.  
  
He managed to twist his legs around, pull Buffy to him and lay back on the crash mat behind them using just his left arm this time. She moulded herself against him, her thigh resting between his, her hips tilting against him and her hand pushing up under his t-shirt. Giles moaned softly. Then she was moving again, slithering across until she lay atop him, her fingers traced his brow, his jaw, his lips, she pushed herself up further and loose strands of hair brushed against his ears as she lowered herself to kiss him. As their lips met he felt a shiver run through her and with no conscious thought now to guide him, he brought his hand to the back of her leg, stroking upwards, higher with each movement. Her hips ground at him as the kiss deepened. Her tongue delicately exploring his lips he reached further and pulled her tight against him. She felt him straining against her lower belly, his body tightening as his hand explored the length of her body and she supported herself on one hand arching her back to allow him access to the front as well as the back. Suddenly he stopped. He pulled her t-shirt back down to cover her back, moved his hand demurely to her waist and pulled back from the kiss.  
  
He saw the panic in her eyes and moved his hand up over her back once more to reassure her this was not rejection. Her eyes closed at the sensation. "Buffy..Not here. Not like this." He whispered softly but quickly, lest she misunderstand. "You deserve better. I want..I want to make it as special as you are." A slow smile wound onto her lips and he noticed that for the first time in a long time there was life and emotion in those beautiful eyes. 


	2. Certain Chapter 2

Disclaimer:                      Not mine -  I just know what to do with them. 

Distribution:                     Story is mine.  If you want it ask then take if I say ok.

Rating:                             UK-18 / USA-NC17 / Others – over the legal age of consent for 'adult' fiction.

Spoilers:                          Only spoils for those who don't like B/G

Feedback:                       Welcome.

Pairing:                            B/G (what a surprise)

Summary:                       Buffy convinces Giles she really is a big girl now. You've been warned

**Certain**

**Chapter 2**

He flicked the lighter shut and looked around the room. Perfect. Well, not perfect, but just right, he didn't want to overwhelm her…

The doorbell broke his thoughts. Surely it couldn't be her, he'd said midnight, and it was midnight, but she was never on time. Please don't let it be something else….not tonight of all nights. He opened the door gingerly, looked out and the sight which confronted him took his breath away. 

She was stunning. Her hair was pulled up into a chignon, her eyes sparkled, a delicate locket hung at her throat. Her black dress floated around her body from shoestring straps, the fine material resting in folds around her delicate cleavage revealing just enough to make Giles wonder at what it would be like to kiss between those beautiful breasts. ….

"Hi? Giles?"  The movement of her hand brought him back to his senses.

"Oh, uh, sorry, it's just, I was, um. You look incredible." She smiled broadly.

"Wow. 'Amazing', 'Incredible'. All in one day too! So um, can I come in or….."

"Oh gosh, yes of course, I'm sorry, come in. Oh and wine. _Good_ wine. Buffy I'm impressed"

"Yeah well…y'know…" Oh why did she feel like this was a first date with someone she hardly knew? Because it is a first date stupid, even if you do know him!

"Uh, go through. Are you hungry?"

"Always!"

"Good." He caught up and opened the door for her. 

She caught her breath as she entered the room and her eyes widened in shock. All this….

"Giles…what…." She whirled round to face him.

"Do you like it?"

"I love it! You did all this, just for tonight?" She turned and looked around the room again, taking in the candles everywhere, the table dressed as well as any top restaurant. Gone were the bare surfaces, the piles of books. Petals carpeted the floor, everywhere was given over to romance. The sofa was hidden beneath a pile of cushions in every texture available in soft pink. He moved forward and placed his hands on her shoulders, letting them wander down her bare arms as he bent his head to whisper into her ear.

"I told you – I wanted it to be special. Just like you."

"It's wonderful." She turned in his embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Just like you" she whispered into his mouth.

He could smell something…..something burning? Christ he knew he was on fire for her.. but…. "Oh Bugger!!!" He ran into the kitchen, leaving her reeling from his outburst….

"Giles….?" 

He appeared at the kitchen door, holding in an oven-gloved hand what appeared to be tiny lumps of charcoal on a baking tray. She couldn't resist a smile at the expression on his face.

"Mmmmm. Is that dinner?" She barely got the words out before collapsing in a fit of giggles.

"Fortunately not the whole dinner, no. They, they…" he was having trouble speaking through the giggles himself. "were supposed to be, oh dear, supposed to be filo parcels.." for some reason this was even funnier than the pathetic sight he held in his hands and he slid down the door frame, no longer able to support his own weight, laugh and breathe at the same time. 


	3. Certain Chapter 3

Disclaimer:                      Not mine -  I just know what to do with them. 

Distribution:                     Story is mine.  If you want it ask. 'Nuff said.

Rating:                             UK-18 / USA-NC17 / Others – over the legal age of consent for 'adult' fiction.

Spoilers:                          Only spoils for those who don't like B/G

Feedback:                       Welcome.

Pairing:                            B/G (what a surprise)

Summary:                       Buffy convinces Giles she really is a big girl now. You've been warned

**Certain**

**Chapter 3**

"And so tonight's the night!"

"Tonight's the night for what?" asked Xander, smug that he'd intercepted some girly chat between Willow and Dawn.

"Ooh. Uh. Xander. Um we weren't um.."

"Come on Will. Spill the beans."

"Yeah, come on Will. What's the gossip?"

They all turned to see Spike opening the fridge and scanning the interior for goodies.

"Spike don't you ever stop eating?" asked Dawn in her best flirty voice. -Get a grip Girl. He's a two-hundred year old vampire with a soul and a crush on your big sister. It's not gonna work.! Yeah and I'm a ball of energy dressed up as a seventeen year old- She leaned forward across the breakfast bar, letting him get a good eyeful down her pajama top.

"You'll catch a chill you keep at it pet."  Dawn drew back as though she'd realized the fire was too hot and wished the hellmouth would open and swallow her whole. –Way to be subtle Dawn!-. 

"What?"

"Xander, D………just forget it okay" Willow squeezed Dawn's hand and gave her a conspirators-all-together smile.

"Forget what? I…." Xander sighed and gave up. He would never figure out women. He was pretty successful with demon's though. Such honest, straightforward creatures….

"So come on, what's happening that's so bloody important tonight?" asked Spike, biting into the sandwich of heaven-only-knew-what, and settling himself opposite Dawn. He'd been a bit harsh, but better not to let her think there was even a possibility than get her hopes up for nothing. Besides, Buffy'd stake him for sure if she caught him messing around with Dawn. Nevertheless, he smiled and gave her a wink to show it was no big deal. If you could die of embarrassment she'd be as dead as him right now. Bless.

"Well, um. It's not really something…." Willow was glancing nervously at Dawn.

"Come on Willow, tell them. They'll only drop dead from shock otherwise!" Dawn urged.

"Weeeell. You know how Giles told Buffy she needed to stand on her own two feet, yadda, yadda before he went back to England?" There were nods of agreement all round. "Well, she's got all sorted out and grown-upy. And when Giles came, back, saw, got me way upset then took me back to England with him, Buffy realized how much she, um, 'missed' him and all everything, and was much less pissed at him for leaving her….and while we were over there, Giles and me got talking and he was telling me, well how much he, um, 'missed' Buffy too.

So today, Buffy kinda told Giles how much she 'missed' him. And well, Giles got all shocked and Buffy thought he didn't, um, hadn't 'missed' her back, so she came home all freaked out and cry-y. And she told me, so I told her that Giles had mega-'missed' her, and she went back to see him and came home all floaty and happy. And when she got home from her patrol tonight she went and got all glitzy-glam and said she was going to see Giles."

"They missed each other. Is that it? What tonight they're both going to confess that they missed each other?"

"No Xander. Tonight there's going to be tears before bedtime."

"Spike? What do you mean?" Dawn looked at him clearly puzzled. They all looked at him puzzled.

"If Buffy comes home, tell her I'll be at the park if she wants to talk." He got up to leave looking sad.

"Spike, Spike" Dawn was calling after him. "Spike you can't just…" The front door slammed. "…..leave it like that…".

"What do you think he meant Xander?"

"Willow, I don't have a clue, what you, or Spike, or anyone else in this house is talking about anymore. Anya is so lovely and simple to understand."

"Where is Anya?"

"She's asleep, I couldn't for some reason, so I thought I check round who was still up."

"Buffy's in love with Giles"

"Wha..?"

"And Giles is in love with Buffy." Willow looked as though she'd just revealed mankind's biggest secret to a pack of journalists.  Xander looked as though he'd just swallowed the hellmouth in one gulp.

"You. You mean. Buffy? And the, the G-man? Pretty Blonde? Kills vampires and stuff? Old guy? With, with the books? " Willow nodded, becoming more amused with every twist of Xander's face.

"In. Doing. Together? Now? This universe?" Willow was giggling.

"Yes. They're in love and right now they're probably getting up to all sorts of nasties…hehe"

"Oh. No. Will. Oh god, my eyes, uurgh, sick sick mind…stop. Stop. Bad pictures. Aargh!"

Dawn came back to the kitchen and looked at Xander twisting and exclaiming. "I'm going to bed."

"Okay Dawnie. Hey do you wanna go shopping tomorrow? Maybe give Buffy and Giles some space?"

"Ooh yeah, Cool. Night Will. Um, night Xander…" She shrugged her shoulders and disappeared up the stairs.

"Willow in future, warn me when you're going to say something like that okay!"

"Sorry Xander, ooh but I liked your face going all twisty and scared!"  The smile dissolved " I wonder what Spike meant though?"

A shrug of the shoulders was the only reply.


	4. Certain Chapter 4

Disclaimer:                      Not mine -  I just know what to do with them. 

Distribution:                     Story is mine.  If you want it ask. 'Nuff said.

Rating:                             UK-18 / USA-NC17 / Others – over the legal age of consent for 'adult' fiction.

Spoilers:                          Only spoils for those who don't like B/G

Feedback:                       Welcome.

Pairing:                            B/G (what a surprise)

Summary:                       Buffy convinces Giles she really is a big girl now. You've been warned.

**Certain **

**Chapter 4**

"Giles, I didn't know you could cook like this."

"Oh it's all owed to Delia Smith."

"Who?" asked Buffy. Her voice rising at the mention of another woman's name.

"Oh, she's a chef, well a TV Chef." He explained, smiling at the realization that Buffy was Jealous. Over HIM.

"Oh." She flushed red, right down to her….. "I thought Willow was going to start jumping up and down when I told her where I was going tonight."

"Hmm? Oh. Yes, I'll bet."  Why did something not feel right? A niggling feeling he'd had all day. Something, just… He tried to dismiss the thought. "I'll get dessert."

When he came back carrying two plates of cheesecake with a red berry sauce drizzled around the plate. "Giles, if  I didn't know better, I'd say you were hiding Delia whats-her-name in that kitchen!"

"You mean that and the earlier incident with the filo parcels?" They both smiled at the memory.

"Giles?"

"Hmm"

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I…" He stopped and looked at her. "There's this feeling that somehow, none of this is right." She nodded slowly. "I don't know Buffy. I don't know whether my sub-conscious is trying to sabotage it, telling me I don't deserve this. Or. Or what really." She moved out of her seat, walked around to his side of the table and planted herself on his lap. "You think that you don't deserve this?" 

"I don't know."

"Maybe it's time you stopped putting me on a pedestal. I'm just Buffy, Giles. And you deserve more love than I could ever hope to give you in ten lifetimes, but I'm going to do my best to give you that love in the one that I've got, so unless you've changed your mind about how you feel, then this is right."

He looked at her earnestly and for a moment she actually feared that he had changed his mind. Until his hand slid up her skirt that was. "Let's just see what happens tonight alright my love?"

"Okay Giles." She leant in to kiss him and felt him wrap his arm under her legs and stand, he carried her to the sofa and laid her atop the mountain of cushions without letting go of her or breaking the kiss. A tingling was beginning in her spine and a fire in her belly. –Please let him make love to me tonight, even if I can only ever have one night before he comes to his senses and realizes he isn't in love with this silly little girl.-

The thought sliced through her like a cold knife. 

She suddenly froze under his caress. Oh Lord. This was it. She had changed her mind. The thought of actually getting naked with him had finally got to her. He dropped his hands away from her chest like a naughty school boy. What had he done? Shame and guilt washed over him.

"Giles" She whispered.

"It's alright. I understand. Do-do you want me to drive you home?"

"What? NO. Giles, Giles look at me."

She swung her legs off the sofa, knelt opposite him and took his face in her hands, forcing him to face her.

"Giles…Rupert" she tried tentatively. The name sounded strange on her lips at first, but still, right. More right than Giles.

It was enough to make his eyes meet her gaze. She smiled at him and pushed her hands through his hair.

"You have to stop thinking the worst y'know"

"I know" He broke the look again.

She shuffled closer until their knees were touching, lifting his hand she kissed the raw knuckles and replaced it to just above her breast. To her relief he stroked the skin with his thumb. She pressed his hand with her own in reassurance.

"I was just thinking that I wanted you so much. I was praying you wouldn't realize you were not in love with me." She let the words hang between them giving him time to think about it.

"Buffy of course I'm in love with you, I have been for so long…"

"Exactly."

He looked at her in askance, trying to read what was going on behind her eyes, realizing what he saw was not what he had expected. It was as though somebody had lifted a veil and he saw a different Buffy before him.

"Giles, you went away to make me grow up. And despite my best efforts to the contrary, I did. But I don't think you see it."

"I don't understand…"

She took a breath and wondered how to explain this. "It wasn't just about taking responsibility. With it came…" She searched for the words "a new realization. About who I am and what I want…about you…. About life. I know that sounds a bit psycoanalysis, but my expressions come from too much Oprah."

This at least raised a smile to his lips.  "To you I'm still the Buffy you left a year ago. You fell in love with Buffy the Girl, Buffy the Slayer. And you never made a move on it, not just because you thought I'd reject you, but because you felt you were doing something wrong. Lusting after a teenager. Am I right?"

He removed his hand from her chest, instantly missing the steady rhythm of her heart. Rocking back onto his heels he studied his hands in his lap. "Yes." It was no more than a whisper.

She reached out for his hand, not wanting to lose the contact with him. "Rupert, when was the last time we had a normal conversation? One that didn't involve Demon's or Vampire's or Wicca's or Dawn?"

He thought for a moment. When had they last held a 'normal' conversation? The only time he could remember was "When we were decorating". 

"Mmmhmm. And what did we talk about? Me. My life. Rupert, I hardly know you. I don't know anything about your family, your home in England, what you miss about it. What you like about being here….nothing." She smiled at him. "I want to know….but…you've got to be able to talk to me like an adult…." This line wasn't getting the point across well so she decided to change tack. "Today when you said that an age difference could complicate a relationship, you were talking about having different values, different tastes, ideas, right?"

"Yes. Your interests, your priorities, they change over time…"

"I've noticed that."

"You have?" He actually looked surprised. It confirmed everything she had just said.

"Yes Rupert. That's what I'm trying to tell you." She maneuvered her hand inside of his and gently tugged him back up to her, she wanted to feel his warmth, his strength, just to be near him. Pleased he did not resist she placed his hands on her waist before linking her fingers behind his head, stroking his jaw with her thumbs.

"Look at me Rupert."

That name again. There was something in the way she said it. He felt both as though he was going to melt and as though he were talking to a stranger at the same time. He obeyed her request.

"I am not the Buffy that you left. I'm the new, improved version." Her light tone dropped to a softer tone with a touch of guilt. "The one that doesn't cover up her feelings by ridiculing you. The one who is capable of being honest with herself. Taking responsibility for my own actions. Hell I can even get Dawn to do her homework most of the time. Rupert you were right. I don't need you. But I want you. I love you. Real, heart-warming, passionate, love. And I really want you to feel the same. But I know in my heart of hearts that after the way I've behaved, after what you buried for so long. It's going to take a while. I don't want a man who is going to feel guilty everytime he makes love to me." 

He opened his mouth to protest, but she pressed a finger against his lips. Tracing the outline she pulled his head down toward her, closing her eyes and hoping he would comply because she wasn't tall enough to close the gap between them herself.  She kissed him gently, his lips responded tentatively and she pulled away, satisfied that she was being understood. 

He coughed gently "So could I perhaps take you out for a drink sometime Ms Summers?" She laughed with him. And nodded readily. 

"Should I give you my number?" 

He dropped his voice conspiratorially "Oh well, actually I've already got it. You see I've been stalking you for the past six years disguised as a stuffy old librarian in a tweed suit." She laughed with him again and he thought he had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life. And that was it. Right there. The moment struck him and reached out endlessly as it slowly dawned on him that he had taken the first step on the road to happiness. There was a beautiful woman in his arms, laughing with him. Looking at him with love, lust and a world filled with promise in her eyes. This wasn't his Buffy. This was the Buffy he had been waiting to fall in love with.

She looked up at him and saw the change in the way his eyes appraised her.  Instinct took over as she licked her lips, batted her eyelashes and her smile became seductive. She hadn't realized he would be able to look at her with fresh eyes so quickly, she had expected it to take weeks, months of dating, getting to know one another before he could accept her as a an equal partner, could make love to her without shame. Five minutes ago, she had fully expected to be going home to bed alone. Possibly never with Rupert. But the way he looked at her now….

"Buffy." He laughed gently at the thought which occurred to him. "I wish I had some other name by which to call you." He explained gently. 

"No need…it's in your eyes…" He nodded his concurrence.

"Rupert I don't have to be at work until tomorrow afternoon. And if you don't do this, I'm going to rip your clothes off with my teeth. Guilt or not." She assured him solemnly.

"Oh. Well we can't have that. I only bought this shirt a week ago."

Without further ado he was gathering her into his embrace, his mouth bearing down on hers. Gone was the furtive, gentle kisses of earlier, his lips, his tongue were creating sensations all through her body. She had never experienced a passion that was so tender before and she gave herself up to it completely, once again trusting all to this man she barely knew.  

As his mouth left hers she gasped for air, then gasped again in surprise and pleasure as all at once a hand trailed up her spine, another caressed her bottom, he began to kiss her neck and her collar bone and she felt his erection against her stomach.

He pulled back and for one unsteady moment she clung to him as she thought he had changed his mind, that he couldn't go through with making love to her yet after all.  He was lifting her, quite literally to her feet and she swayed against him, the feel of his body pressing against hers was sending hot flames through her body. As he searched her eyes once more for any sign of doubt before resuming their kiss, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself up until he was lifting her again, hands once more caressing her backside, moaning his desire into her mouth when the only pantyline he could find was no more substantial than a seam. 

She hooked her legs around his hips, the texture and shape of the fly of his jeans, and the mounting pressure behind it adding to her already evident excitement. This allowed his hands to roam further and he took the opportunity to unzip her dress. With gentle encouragement it slipped softly from her shoulders and a sigh escaped him as she wriggled her arms free one at a time. Her breasts were fuller than he had ever noticed and now they bounced gently in front of him as she moved. Freeing herself completely she caught the look on his face and was gratified to find he was almost drooling. Her imagination let fly in anticipation of what he was thinking about doing to her and she closed her eyes and ground herself against the ever-increasing stiffness contained within his jeans.  Hhmmm, time to get him out of those. 

She looked at him steadily as he held her with one hand, tracing an invisible line down between her breasts, circling them, across her stomach up and over a nipple. His touch was feather light and she was just about ready to scream 'just take me!' when suddenly he cupped her roughly, turned and smothered her back against the wall, his hands were everywhere, his mouth followed where it could, then they were sliding and Buffy felt reality slipping away as he pressed his body against her and maneuvered her down the wall until she could put her legs down and stand. All hesitance gone, his hands explored her body, teasing, pressing….

Only two coherent thoughts entered her head. First that her legs were not going to support her much longer, slayer strength or not, and second he was wearing too many clothes for her liking.

He stopped and stood to face her. His breath was ragged, and he had a look about him that she had never seen before, and frankly, it was sexy as hell. He raked a hand into her hair, the elegant style long since replaced by a wild mane, and stroked her face. He appeared to be memorizing every detail of her face and body, his lips still moved as he saw in his mind's eye just how he was going to make this an experience she would never forget. 

Buffy had come back to reality reluctantly, but saw her opportunity as he drank her in.  In an instant she had unbuttoned his shirt and had moved on to his belt. Soon he was helping her by removing his shirt fully and shrugging off the jeans she had started on. She took a step toward him. Her turn to drive him wild….

She took him in her hand through the soft silk of his boxers and led him upstairs, teasing all the way.

Once upstairs she turned, sat and removed his underwear.  He moved to push her back on the bed but she resisted. On the bed-side table there was a new pack of condoms. Taking him in hand once again she took up the packet with her other hand and unwound the plastic wrapper with her teeth. His hand was in her hair again, massaging the scalp. She unhooked the box and took out a condom, again with her teeth, tossing the packet onto the floor she found the correct side then ripped the foil open.  Knowing he expected her to take it out and get straight to business she tossed the open wrapper onto the cabinet without removing the condom. -I've never done that before, I'm not going to spoil this moment, and I'm going to have some fun with you yet mister- she smiled at him in response to his frown.

With his hand still in her hair she continued massaging his erection, watching his handsome face contort with disbelief and anticipation as she gently lowered her head down and used just the tip of her tongue to lick him from base to tip in one long slow movement. His hand gripped her hair briefly before he quickly released it; she guessed he was worried he might hurt her. It's not my hair you need to worry about hurting she thought absently as she realized she was never going to be able to carry out her original intentions.  Instead she licked her lips and placed a kiss at his very tip, allowing her lips to linger on the salty taste of him before sliding them down as far as she could around his head. His breathing was very heavy now, little whimpers and moans escaping him. She felt him twitch and realized it was taking him great effort to hold back from pushing himself further. She had never been in a situation where she could not have obliged before and she felt a little wave of trepidation that she was going to get this whole thing embarrassingly wrong. Fortunately she decided until she thought of something more, she could simply tease him with her tongue. His breathing was becoming shallower by the second until he pulled her head back smoothly and managed to squeeze out a strangled 'stop'. 

She smiled to know she had achieved the desired effect, without giving her nerves away. He reached down and picked her up, throwing her across the bed onto her back. She laughed with delight, realizing this was going to be the most amazing experience. He pressed his body over hers, kissing her deeply and allowing his hands to roam her body. The tiny scrap of material she remained wearing  disappeared like magic in his hands and then he was touching what had remained hidden, pressing further, discovering her bud and causing waves of electricity to shoot through her. Meanwhile he covered her nipple with his mouth, teasing, sucking and she arched her back encouraging him further. Having ensured he gave equal attention to both, he moved further down. Any nervousness at the newness of what she was about to experience evaporated at the first touch of his tongue at her entrance. It was like nothing she had ever imagined and the tension came to it's height as he slipped his tongue right into her. She felt her whole world explode and cried out his name with the release. 

He moved back up until once again he semi-covered her body with his own, a wolfish smile played on his lips as he rolled to retrieve the condom she had teased him with earlier. He rolled it on with shaking fingers and noticed she was only just coming down from her orgasm. 

She was reaching out to him and he leant into her embrace. Her legs wrapped around his back and she was whispering 'Rupert, please' into his ear. Slowly, knowing that to take her harshly while she was still sensitive would hurt he entered her. She gasped slightly and he held perfectly still. A murmur escaped her lips and although he didn't catch what she said, her legs wrapped around him pulling him down and her hips bucking against him ensured he got the message. Reciting the Greek alphabet to hold himself back a little he stroked gently, once, twice, watching her face for any further sign of pain or discomfort. Finding none and feeling her push against him with more force he increased his speed. Her head was thrown back once more and he felt her tighten around him. The sensation was too much and he gave up all restraint, thrusting into her faster and faster until with a primal cry of his own, he felt himself come with a force which was more than anything he had experienced in an unaltered state.

Slowly coming back to earth he lent over her whispering his love into her neck, her hair. When he looked at her face, a smile pulled at the corners of her mouth and tears were spilling from her closed eyes.

"Buffy?" His voice was still husky.

She opened her eyes to look at him and her smile widened.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No. No. Just happy…floating" she tried to explain.

He eased himself away from her to deal with the condom, which he threw into the dustbin near the door. She felt her body mourn the loss of him and she quietly waited for him to turn back to her before snuggling against his chest as he lay down.


End file.
